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hey, sam, i dare you to take a swig of this.
victory!muse is riding into battle
Too Much Information (PG-13) Chapter 3 
17th-Aug-2007 11:33 am
Buffy - Fun never stops.

God, sorry all. Well, the few of you that have been following here. Most of you follow on R66, yes? But this really needed to be posted here.


Title: Too Much Information
Author: Aimée
Status: Mucho Incomplete-o
Rating: PG-13 for now. Just you wait. Muahaha. It’ll be all with the violence. But there's a lot of fluff, too. Mostly fluff at this point.
Characters: Yes, there are quite a few in here. Look into their minds. Mainly Sam, Faith, Buffy, and Dean.
Timeline: Buffy Universe: Season Five (and I haven’t seen all of that season, so if I mess up anywhere please tell me so I can revise!!)
Supernatural Universe: After 2.6, before 2.9. Ahem. After Jo’s foray into hunting and before Sam’s immunity to the demon-y plague thing.
Synopsis: The Scooby gang, bar crew, and Sammy narrate while Dean and Buffy make with the love bunnies and the killing. Sam has plans for Sunnydale. Too bad Faith is distracting him from his work.
Disclaimer: I don’t own either series. If I did I’d waste sooo much of the CW studio’s money trying to coerce Sarah Michelle Gellar into a steady role on Supernatural. I mean… she’s really gotten into a horror kick, right? She belongs on the show! Hell, so do I! I want to be that sad little PA that they send out to try and find the guys and drag them back to work when they run off. Anyway, point: I gain nothing from this. No money, no nookie.


Chapter Three


Big stupid macho men wannabes. Why does Buffy attract them? Maybe it’s not her, maybe it’s the Hellmouth drawing them in to torture me with feelings of inadequacy in a demony Hell type way, and they flock to Buffy 'cause she’s kind of the mayor of Hell on Earth. So maybe I should move. Oh, yeah, right, like I’m going to move. I was here first, they should move.

Not that they’re staying; with any luck this stupid plan the girls have worked up won’t work at all and the dingus twins will leave us and I will reclaim top dog. After Spike, even though he is a sucky vampire now-a-days. Unless Angel comes back into town. Then I guess I’m third. My life truly sucks.

So after a long conversation at The Bronze (while Faith sat on Dean’s lap and made with the sex vibes) we’d all decided to knock out this worm-whatever-thing that they’d chased here (thanks, by the way, for that). Together. As in, Willow and her newfound geek research boy would scout out possible dens in the area, and we’d all check the areas after night fell.

So it’s nighttime now, and I’m tagging along behind everyone. Except Spike, he’s behind me. Man, I hate him. What the hell is he doing behind me? If he bites me, I’m gonna head butt his temple.

And guess what? Big surprise, Dean and Buffy are still arguing back and forth out in front. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much bickering between Buffy and anyone. Everyone else thinks it’s cute, but personally, I’m with Anya. They’re idiots.

I think they're arguing about gender roles, now. I keep hearing "ignorant jackass" coming out of Buffy's mouth and "stubborn bitch" from him. I can't actually tell if they really are angry with each other or not.

Faith isn't here, so I think "man whore" might be in reference to his reaction to her. Willow and Sam ahead of me share a smile. Damn. I think they did it, it's working. Faith is elsewhere in the city doing her regular patrol, and Tara's watching Dawn. Everybody's got their job.

I have no idea why I am here.

There’s a soft twittering noise coming from the cemetery ahead. The sidewalk gave out on us a block ago, not it’s all damp grass and dying leaves. Most of Sunnydale’s residents have learned by now not to go into the graveyard at night. Unexplained weird shit happens there, you know. As much as they like to block out the weird shit, they still unconsciously try to keep away from it. Most of them stay inside after sunset, anyway, since the sidewalks aren't too safe themselves. Us? Well, those of us who aren't witches or slayers or demons themselves (I raise my hand here) are just morons.

It does kind of irk me that I can't even really include Dean in the moron catagory. He is a moron, but he'd also pretty good at what he does. I still don't like him, just to be clear.

So all of our favorite monsters in the city can usually be found flocking to the creepy graveyard for safe haven and fine dining. Case in point: Spike lives there.

The twittering is a sign of great danger. I guess. Dean and Buffy have their weapons out. Dean’s, I’ve got to admit, looks safer. Guns I can understand. Crossbows are cool, but something about a gun makes me happy. Maybe because I can’t actually shoot a crossbow as well as I can a gun. Sam’s circling around a mausoleum, trying to get the thing corralled, and he’s got a nice gun of his own. And me? I have a spear. Because when you hunt worms, you need spears. Giles has a funny sense of humor. Ha. Ha. I never get the cool weapon.

There’s a rustling, and then whatever was curled up behind the mausoleum uncurls and lets out some terrifying bellow. Huge wings snap up from behind the stone and fan the air and a long tail whips out, cracking the side of the building. Sam’s firing shots off, six, and then Dean’s there behind him firing while his brother gets the hell out of the way. Buffy’s kind of, encouraging Willow (by yelling frantically) to hurry. So Willow’s chanting something, bag of Magic Shop weeds clenched in her fist, and Buffy’s raising her bow to get a good, clear shot. After Willow finished, she’s got about thirty seconds to kill the… winged worm thing before the incantation wears off.

Okay, so, by worm, they meant dragon. So not cool. I hate these macho wannabes. The thing’s turned around and is stalking after Dean, who’s backing up now changing his clip. Willow’s almost to the end of her chanting, and Buffy’s breathing is getting smoother. Yeah, she’s all into scary slayer killer mode. The dragon thingy doesn’t have forelegs, it’s walking on the claws of its wings. It looks like a dinosaur. Huh.

“Xander!” What? Oh, really? I have the spear, right.

“You said it was a worm! I’m not poking it, it’s huge!” Spike makes some disgusted noise and snatches the spear away. Well, fine, be all… better than me. The next thing I know the spear is pushing into the animal’s chest, poking up through the shoulder blades. I think the only thing this does though is piss it off and give Dean time to slide the clip in and raise the gun to punch more bloody holes into the head and neck. It’s amazing he hasn’t blown the skull completely off yet.

And here I thought Buffy was the violent one. Dean’s totally into the kill right now.

Willow finishes the chant and lights her bag of herbs and weeds and slimy things. Buffy raises her crossbow and sends a bolt rocketing towards the heart while Dean keeps the head from reaching down and snapping us off our feet. Sam’s reloading, just in case he needs to join in and Spike… well, he’s moved. I think he’s off doing the happy dance somewhere. Well, goody for him, he got to hurt something. His life is so empty.

The thing roars at us and starts twitching. The left wing snaps open and bashes the roof of the mausoleum in, so that Sam has to duck away from the falling marble. Before I know it, Buffy’s grabbed my collar and is hauling me backwards while the worm falls.

Yeah, so, this thing is a bit noticeable, and the newbies suck if they couldn’t catch it before. Okay, so it can shrink a little. Something about being a puffer type dragon (hah, I know). It can suck air in and use it to fill the air sacks it has inside of it, making itself look bigger and generally much scarier. 

After killing a big demony monster thing, the general rule with these two is to burn it to a crisp, keep the public safe from the knowledge of what goes bump in the night. This, I can understand. So we all stand huddled together on the damp grass and watch the dragon burn.

A dragon. Weird. At least now the guys can leave us in peace.

If there's a link for the chapter, it's been posted. Will update regularly!

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